Do you ever catch yourself going from place to place to place and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Or sometimes you can be in a room full of people and feel like you’re completely alone. That’s how I have felt the past two days. I go somewhere and stay five or 10 minutes and have an itch to go somewhere else for five or 10 minutes. I can’t seem to shut my brain down. I’m concentrating to much on the negative crap instead of the important things. I think I need more grandma time. Although, Anaya did tell me she wanted to see her daddy give me a spanking the other day. She is always good for a laugh or two. I had my first full day of the shop open and handled it well. It’s bed time and tomorrow is a new day. I have the house to myself. I’ll pray for inspiration.
Category: Blog
Am I Falling?
My sister called to check on me today. I let her know I was fine. Which she questioned, “Are you sure?”. Yes I am. I had my feelings hurt, but I am a grown woman and will be fine. I have many things on my plate,which she says is me flying into flight.
Informing me that when I’m writing or journaling it means that I’m manic. I second guess wether she is correct or not. It helps me get my thoughts out of my head. And on paper it seems easier to sort out.
I could hear in her voice that she is struggling with something. I think to myself is she wanting my episode to be over so she can have hers. I always feel the need to protect her from hurt as she does me. All I know is that the both of us have heard enough mean words to last a lifetime.
I’m keeping an eye on me. And I have lots of people that love me and watch me closely. I truly enjoy writing poetry and journaling. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of anything I write. Like I said before, this will be my good, bad and ugly. Not so ugly lately. So I take three steps forward and two back, it is still progress.
#bipolar #depression #anxiety #borderlinepersonalitydisorder
God gave me her to be strong when I am not and vise versa.
My sister and I are never well at the same time. Sometimes months, sometimes years one of us has to be strong and watch over the other. We have the same diseases but it’s as if we trade places on a dime. I thank God that we are on separate axis or something, Lord forbid when we are both ill at the same time.
#bipolar #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder
Change The Thought
I tell people like me with mental illness to change the thought all the time. This last episode, even though I knew I wasn’t thinking correctly, I couldn’t get out of my head. I would convince myself that I was being normal. Just because I wanted to do something so badly didn’t make it wrong. But all it took was one message from an old friend (I thought) to blow my world up all over again. Just like 30 years ago. People that say or do mean things to you on purpose are not your friends. Unfortunately, when I have these diagnoses which make me question wether they were mean or if I just perceived them as being mean because of my mood disorder. Nope he was mean as could be. Knew it would hurt me. I let the last time he did this affect me MANY years. I will not do that this time. I’m trying to convince myself I am stronger now than I was then. I have all these people that love me. It’s the people pleaser in me, every one must love me. #hurtmenomore
#bipolar #borderline #anxiety
This is why I strive to be better mentally
I don’t want my granddaughters to see the crazy monster in me that their father’s did growing up. #lovemygranddaughters
Social Distancing Done Right!
While at our cabin this last week this was a sight to see. And I hear some states were not allowing people to even buy worms for fishing. Attention: Hot dogs are a necessity and the fish love them. #fishingdoneright #quarantine #anxiety #bipolar
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