Tag: addiction

Poetry, Blog

It’s Not Me, It’s Her

Jill L. Ware

Sometimes what life gives us is hard to take. One moves on, the other plans death by lake.

From others my feelings becoming detached, Ruined friendships that will never be patched.

Bad behaviors are they hers or are they mine? I wish her to leave I’ve drawn the line.

She comes out of me when I can’t find the words to say. Good thing, I was walking into traffic to play,

I cry, I am tired of the world today. She says whiney bitch get out of the way.

Often seen with a shake and a slur, is it me or is it her?

If she thinks I am being used, you are next to be abused.

When she plays I don’t have a clue, is it me or is it you?

My advice is stay away from Jill number one and two.

Jill L. Ware

Blog, Poetry, Poetry

Fight or Flight

Jill L. Ware

Always making flight the choice for me, I’d stay if they’d let me be.

Tell me what to do and see what occurs, this is my life, not yours.

Tending to bullying I never do, I fear confrontation, no matter who.

Never making decision so I don’t get sick, too late now I have some ass to kick.

Pick a number get in line, after I’ve let you have it I will be fine.

When I am manic I talk big and bad, most of the time I’m just sad.

No specific reason why, every 10 years I wish to die.

I haven’t been me for a very long time, how do I regain a life that’s mine?

My companion gone nearly 2 years now, I managed thus far not knowing how.

I didn’t say I managed well, life since has been hell.

They say Love is patient, it is not always kind.

Jill L. Ware

Poetry

Game Over

Jill L. Ware

I saw you yesterday, in this game with you I play.

Keeping my distance so you don’t see, it is way past time to let it be.

I make sure not to cross the line, the game not yours but mine.

My schemes planned days ahead, our relationship a long time dead.

To get your approval I tried for years, my love for life reduced to tears.

The words you said I hear as if yesterday,  you had no clue in my head they’d stay.

I look in the mirror as I become skin and bones, my self esteem someone else owns.

It doesn’t matter large or small, I’m not sure you loved me at all.

I pray one day to adapt a love for me, maybe then there will be no fear of letting you see. I’ll know there is nothing wrong with me.

Blog, Poetry

Faithful Companion

Jill L. Ware
A companion can come in many shapes and sizes. Mine happens to be in the form of a dog. She has seen me through many of battles with those that were supposed to be faithful companions. Her loyalty to me always holds true. Annabelle joined me when my oldest son left home after high school. She has seen me cry, scream, laugh, and sometimes act a complete nutcase. Yet she has never left me or judged me. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve moved, there she was at my side with no judgment, as always. We both have aged since our first meeting. Not long from now. I will be missing her scratching the food bowl at 2 AM and her snoring. A more faithful friend I shall never meet.
Blog

Call Your Psychiatrist

Jill L. Ware
Everyone smiles for the camera

I know the importance of routine mental health appointments throughout the year. It did not occur to me the entire six weeks I laid in bed my depression and anxiety in full swing.

I assumed it had only been a few months since my last mental health visit. In fact it had been six months.

This week I had a visit with my long time psychiatrist. He reminded me that if I am struggling in between visits that I can call for a visit.

It’s amazing the insight and advice from someone outside my usual sounding boards. Where am I going with this? If you are sad, anxious, depressed or having a hard time functioning in this crazy world we live in. Seeking help can make a huge difference. Tell someone else your crap can really lighten your load.

Blog

Marijuana Use For My Mental Illness

Jill L. Ware
I do have a state issued medical card for this!

A couple of years ago I started smoking marijuana to help with some of my mood disorders. I believe it helps with my Mania and my sleep. I have to adjust how much I smoke when I am going to be in a social situation. Ocassionally I get a bit paranoid if the smoke is to strong.

My phsychiatrist would rather I don’t smoke. But it does things for me that my five mental meds cannot.

What I am wondering is if you could leave comments about your experience with marijuana and mental illness.