Tag: schizophrenia

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Call Your Psychiatrist

Jill L. Ware
Everyone smiles for the camera

I know the importance of routine mental health appointments throughout the year. It did not occur to me the entire six weeks I laid in bed my depression and anxiety in full swing.

I assumed it had only been a few months since my last mental health visit. In fact it had been six months.

This week I had a visit with my long time psychiatrist. He reminded me that if I am struggling in between visits that I can call for a visit.

It’s amazing the insight and advice from someone outside my usual sounding boards. Where am I going with this? If you are sad, anxious, depressed or having a hard time functioning in this crazy world we live in. Seeking help can make a huge difference. Tell someone else your crap can really lighten your load.

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Contentment

Jill L. Ware

I sit here in this apartment thinking to myself, “These walls are closing in on me.”. I feel the urge to organize and clean. ” How can I arrange the furniture to open it up more?” I ask myself.

I can feel it happening. The old habit of always having to find faults in circumstances and relationships. Yes, I am medicated and doing the best I can to change my thoughts. Knowing I have bipolar and BPD helps me to watch my behaviors and reactions to others behaviors. I have gotten so much better. Progress no matter how small is still progress.

It’s embarrassing to tell people I moved again, change cars or switch things I collect or hobbies. With my BPD I always feel the need to change things up. Luckily I have a husband and family I can discuss my thoughts with and not be judged by them. I refrain from telling acquaintances certain things for fear of being judged. Not that it would happen. It is all the self doubt and me.

Most the time just telling someone my thoughts and bouncing them off of them they can give me ideas or advice. I get a new perspective on things. I focus on certain things and miss other things going on around me. I’m missing others dealing with their stuff. It’s not all about me! It’s not all about me!

Blog

Marijuana Use For My Mental Illness

Jill L. Ware
I do have a state issued medical card for this!

A couple of years ago I started smoking marijuana to help with some of my mood disorders. I believe it helps with my Mania and my sleep. I have to adjust how much I smoke when I am going to be in a social situation. Ocassionally I get a bit paranoid if the smoke is to strong.

My phsychiatrist would rather I don’t smoke. But it does things for me that my five mental meds cannot.

What I am wondering is if you could leave comments about your experience with marijuana and mental illness.

Blog

My Ex Husband Died of Covid

Jill L. Ware

I feel like an idiot. Who cries over an ex that abused her. Me….He also went after anyone that loved me. Saving me from the filth were his words. But here I sit sad that he is no longer on this earth. If the good Lord didn’t hold his behaviors against him because he had mental illness, I pray he is sitting pretty with the Savior. Our marriage lasted longer than it probably should have. Two bipolar people together is a disaster. We were always blaming each others mental issues. I was always wrong, he was always wrong. In his obituary I am the 12 year gap. No mention of me. That is alright. Fly high!!!!!

Blog, What Do You Do when you are manic

What Do You Do when You Are Manic?

Jill L. Ware

When I have extra energy from my mania I grow things, then I pressurize some for the future. We will need it one day, probably soon the way the world is. And what is left I sit out for all the people in our retirement complex.

Do your best to find constructive things to put all of your anxieties into. I know sometimes it is easier said than done. As long as you know you tried, it doesn’t even matter if you fail. Anyway you will be the only one that knows.

Believe me when I say I had no idea I was even in a manic state until my doctor made me stop smoking pot because it was causing paranoia, and put me on risperidone. It was like someone took a pair of distorted glasses off of me. And I could see clearly again.

The world looks much better through my red polka dot glasses these days. If you are reading this I hope what see through your eyes becomes more focused for you. Peace Out!

Blog, marijuana and Mental Illness

Marijuana Use and Mental Illness

Jill L. Ware

It has been a while since I have posted anything. Recently I had a visit with the mental health professional. It didn’t go well. Two year ago I applied for my medical marijuana card. When I was approved, I started smoking it up. Only in the evenings. My moods had become quit unpredictable which was not exactly out of character for me. My moods were increasing daily. I began being very suspicious of people and situations.

My doctor has been treating for twenty years, he knows me very well. Let me tell you now schizophrenia runs in my family.Apparently not everyone should be smoking marijuana. Because I already have mental health issues and schizophrenia runs in the family I was getting more unstable the more I smoked. The moral of the story, not everyone should get stoned. It may help many, but can also be harmful to some.

Poetry

Eldest Brother

Jill L. Ware

                     My Eldest Brother

He was just a teenager full of curiosity,

After that day the same he would never be.

All his curiosity left behind,

It was a desire for Christ he would find.

Thank goodness for the ones he loves,

He spends his time praying to the heavens above.

For the sins he thinks we commit,

He would pace and pray before he’d sit.

He has one of the kindest souls you will ever find,

A little leery but always kind.

Always reminding me how much every one needs me,

Which is something I don’t always see.

He is my eldest brother,

I would not want another.     

                                       Jill L. Ware

My brother one of the kindest people you will ever meet #schizoaffecticedisordersucks