The last time I saw these pairs they weren’t parents. What a joy to see them come visit us every time we are out to the lake.
Tag: depression
Mother’s Day Fun
My Sons, daughter in laws and granddaughters 
My oldest son 
My bestie for 34 years with my youngest granddaughter 
My sisters man 
Friends 
Nephew 
My sidekick 
So many emotions 
Friends 
My man 
Granddaughters 
Miss bossy 
So gets son and his wife 
Rosie loves her Sissy
I haven’t blogged for a little while. What happens is when I let go of the hurt and pain and anger I can write. But when I’m hurt or angry I have a hard time getting my focus back. I let the stupidest things affect my thoughts. Someone I hadn’t seen in several years told me they had no desire to see or talk to me. Why would I let that affect me? I hadn’t seen or talked to him in 13 years. But knowing that someone you once loved despises you so much that that can be that hurtful to you is totally insane. But that I let it mess my head up is what’s insane. Especially when I have all of these beautiful people in my life. They know me more than anyone and continue to love me daily. #imtogoodforhim #bpd #family
The Two Paths
These photos are like my life. One minute nice and smooth and the next rough terrain. It’s how we handle the ride that’s important. The more of the rough waters we survive the more we appreciate the smoother paths. Our trials are what make us who we are, helps build our character. Sometimes for the better, other times not so much.
Wondering Aimlessly
Do you ever catch yourself going from place to place to place and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Or sometimes you can be in a room full of people and feel like you’re completely alone. That’s how I have felt the past two days. I go somewhere and stay five or 10 minutes and have an itch to go somewhere else for five or 10 minutes. I can’t seem to shut my brain down. I’m concentrating to much on the negative crap instead of the important things. I think I need more grandma time. Although, Anaya did tell me she wanted to see her daddy give me a spanking the other day. She is always good for a laugh or two. I had my first full day of the shop open and handled it well. It’s bed time and tomorrow is a new day. I have the house to myself. I’ll pray for inspiration.
I Am She
She lived her life only for that day,
Walking alone and scared.
If she knew the world would be this way,
She never would have cared.
She cries herself to sleep,
To her, his promises he’d never keep.
Her pillow soaking up the tears,
To her months felt like years.
How he truly felt she was unaware,
Otherwise, she wouldn’t of followed him everywhere.
He wasn’t just her friend,
Sooner or later it was destined to end.
She plays scenarios over in her head,
She’s sure his actions weren’t misread.
She knows it wasn’t a lie,
That he loved her and didn’t have to try.
It seems 100 years have gone by,
He rejects her, I don’t know why.
She will forgive him once again,
So that her mind he doesn’t win.
I am she,
And no longer need him to love me.
Jill L. Ware
#depression #love #bipolar #borderline
This Man
He Knows all of my secrets,
Yet he loves me.
There are no regrets,
With me he desires to be.
He has a temper at times,
Not near as harsh as mine.
We’ve been friends for so long,
There is no way this can go wrong.
He holds me and lets me cry,
Spoils me, that I can’t deny.
I’ve been told, of me he’s afraid,
It’s been long enough his debt should be paid.
It doesn’t make me feel good,
If I could change it I would.
I can’t forget what he did,
For many years what he hid.
Just when I think we can move on,
Again the trust is gone.
If I could just forgive his digressions,
With one of his obsessions.
I love him, he is my mate,
I pray for us it’s not to late.
Jill L. Ware
#bipolar #infidelity
There is beauty in even the darkest places!
#seethelight #depression
Change The Thought
I tell people like me with mental illness to change the thought all the time. This last episode, even though I knew I wasn’t thinking correctly, I couldn’t get out of my head. I would convince myself that I was being normal. Just because I wanted to do something so badly didn’t make it wrong. But all it took was one message from an old friend (I thought) to blow my world up all over again. Just like 30 years ago. People that say or do mean things to you on purpose are not your friends. Unfortunately, when I have these diagnoses which make me question wether they were mean or if I just perceived them as being mean because of my mood disorder. Nope he was mean as could be. Knew it would hurt me. I let the last time he did this affect me MANY years. I will not do that this time. I’m trying to convince myself I am stronger now than I was then. I have all these people that love me. It’s the people pleaser in me, every one must love me. #hurtmenomore
#bipolar #borderline #anxiety
This is why I strive to be better mentally
I don’t want my granddaughters to see the crazy monster in me that their father’s did growing up. #lovemygranddaughters
The Life Of A Dog!
It must be nice to bask in the sun without a care in the world. Our Father says, “ Cast our worries upon him.”. It is that simple! Pray for his guidance in our daily lives. I’ve tried this many times. The thing is when you do that, opposition comes at us from all sides. I admit that always cave and let my fear get the best of me.
#doglover #borderlinepersonalitydisorder # depression #anxiety
Our Roses Were Yellow 
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