Living with and overcoming Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder
I go out of my way way several times a day placating to what everyone else’s needs are. Most times putting my needs on the back burner. I enjoy helping others until it is expected. My kindness taken for granted. Today I am in one of those moods, take care of you, no one else will. Feeling a bit stretched to thin.
This man who melts my heart, From all the others he is set apart.
This man that puts his needs last, he’s helped me forget that past.
This man with eyes of blue, has been better for me than I ever knew.
We have our days that’s for sure, for the bad days there’s no cure.
I see forever when I truly see the man he has become, it is him for me or none.
It has taken 20 years to get where we are, our lives are better by far.
This man is mine!
What a blessing it is to be alive. To love and be loved..
I really hate that when you are in the chaos of bipolar sometimes you don’t even know it. Taking some time for me at the lake. The rest is much needed from about three weeks of mania.
WTH! If you saw my very first video blog, I was a nervous, crying mess. The day after I posted that to my sight, I spent six hours in the ER trying to find out why I wasn’t feeling like myself. There is no definition of normal to follow. I just knew whatever was going on was not your normal bipolar or borderline episode. I literally could not breathe and my hands were trembling, my heart beating uncontrollably. I even yelled at my granddaughters, which yes they needed disciplined. But not in that tone. That is not me, even on my worst day.
To make a long story short, I was diagnosed as premenopausal. Oh boy! If this is a sign of what’s to come I’m pretty sure everyone will divorce me.
My poor husband, I abused him so badly that for the first time in 20 years of knowing me and nearly five years of marriage, he mentioned the D word.
It would be different if it was just a menopause diagnosis, but combined with my other mood disorders it really is a concern for me.
I watched my video several times before I posted it and was fine with it. The next day I was like I sure do hope it helped someone, I was a freaking mess.
So if anyone reads this that has experience in the menopause and other mood disorders combined, I sure could use some advice.
I am always willing to admit when my junk is out of wack. But man lately I just am not bouncing back. People we know our own bodies, if you feel something isn’t right get another opinion besides your own.
After a video conference with my primary doctor today about my moods, anxiousness and several other symptoms she has recommended I have my heart checked at once. I had also been having dizzy spells and confusion.
My husband will be taking me shortly to see the hospital. Even if it is just my junk, at least we will be sure. It is him that is taking the blunt of my moods. Thank God that when I’m lovable, I truly am. Otherwise, I might be a very lonely person. I will post later this evening what the er has to say.
After a very hot hike grandpa brought us to the pool to cool down. He really does spoil us girls.
My husband and I are one of those couples that everyone wants to be like. But he is afraid of the wrath he will reap if he tells me “no”. I don’t like that. I struggle to not act like a spoiled rotten bitch. Most the time succeeding. But today I lost my shit. I know in my heart he is right. But in my mind it was my way or the highway. I should of known that I was losing control. I’ve been a ver anxious passenger in the vehicle lately. Grasping car handles, completely on edge. That is usually a sign it’s coming. I wasn’t prepared for the behaviors that would follow. Neither was my wonderful husband. Bipolar and bpd suck. Sorry hubby!
He Knows all of my secrets,
Yet he loves me.
There are no regrets,
With me he desires to be.
He has a temper at times,
Not near as harsh as mine.
We’ve been friends for so long,
There is no way this can go wrong.
He holds me and lets me cry,
Spoils me, that I can’t deny.
I’ve been told, of me he’s afraid,
It’s been long enough his debt should be paid.
It doesn’t make me feel good,
If I could change it I would.
I can’t forget what he did,
For many years what he hid.
Just when I think we can move on,
Again the trust is gone.
If I could just forgive his digressions,
With one of his obsessions.
I love him, he is my mate,
I pray for us it’s not to late.
Jill L. Ware
#bipolar #infidelity
Our Roses Were Yellow 
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