Author: Jill L. Ware

Hello! I am a lot of things. First and foremost, I am me. Like it or leave it I believe God made me just as I am. That I need to go through these trials and tribulation to become who it is I am meant to be. does it suck? yes it does. I have two sons and three granddaughter and one on the way. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder for several years. This is a way to let my words out, get them out of my head. You are not alone in your struggle with these diseases, it's exhausting trying to be normal. Or what we percieve as normal.
Blog

Am I Falling?

Jill L. Ware

My sister called to check on me today. I let her know I was fine. Which she questioned, “Are you sure?”. Yes I am. I had my feelings hurt, but I am a grown woman and will be fine. I have many things on my plate,which she says is me flying into flight.

Informing me that when I’m writing or journaling it means that I’m manic. I second guess wether she is correct or not. It helps me get my thoughts out of my head. And on paper it seems easier to sort out.

I could hear in her voice that she is struggling with something. I think to myself is she wanting my episode to be over so she can have hers. I always feel the need to protect her from hurt as she does me. All I know is that the both of us have heard enough mean words to last a lifetime.

I’m keeping an eye on me. And I have lots of people that love me and watch me closely. I truly enjoy writing poetry and journaling. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of anything I write. Like I said before, this will be my good, bad and ugly. Not so ugly lately. So I take three steps forward and two back, it is still progress.

#bipolar #depression #anxiety #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Poetry

This Man

Jill L. Ware

He Knows all of my secrets,

Yet he loves me.

There are no regrets,

With me he desires to be.

He has a temper at times,

Not near as harsh as mine.

We’ve been friends for so long,

There is no way this can go wrong.

He holds me and lets me cry,

Spoils me, that I can’t deny.

I’ve been told, of me he’s afraid,

It’s been long enough his debt should be paid.

It doesn’t make me feel good,

If I could change it I would.

I can’t forget what he did,

For many years what he hid.

Just when I think we can move on,

Again the trust is gone.

If I could just forgive his digressions,

With one of his obsessions.

I love him, he is my mate,

I pray for us it’s not to late.

Jill L. Ware

#bipolar #infidelity

Always working to please me!
Blog, God Gave Me Her

God gave me her to be strong when I am not and vise versa.

Jill L. Ware

My sister and I are never well at the same time. Sometimes months, sometimes years one of us has to be strong and watch over the other. We have the same diseases but it’s as if we trade places on a dime. I thank God that we are on separate axis or something, Lord forbid when we are both ill at the same time.

#bipolar #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Blog, Change The Thought

Change The Thought

Jill L. Ware

I tell people like me with mental illness to change the thought all the time. This last episode, even though I knew I wasn’t thinking correctly, I couldn’t get out of my head. I would convince myself that I was being normal. Just because I wanted to do something so badly didn’t make it wrong. But all it took was one message from an old friend (I thought) to blow my world up all over again. Just like 30 years ago. People that say or do mean things to you on purpose are not your friends. Unfortunately, when I have these diagnoses which make me question wether they were mean or if I just perceived them as being mean because of my mood disorder. Nope he was mean as could be. Knew it would hurt me. I let the last time he did this affect me MANY years. I will not do that this time. I’m trying to convince myself I am stronger now than I was then. I have all these people that love me. It’s the people pleaser in me, every one must love me. #hurtmenomore

Broken hearts mend
#bipolar #borderline #anxiety
Inspirational Photos, The Life Of A Dog

The Life Of A Dog!

Jill L. Ware

It must be nice to bask in the sun without a care in the world. Our Father says, “ Cast our worries upon him.”. It is that simple! Pray for his guidance in our daily lives. I’ve tried this many times. The thing is when you do that, opposition comes at us from all sides. I admit that always cave and let my fear get the best of me.

#doglover #borderlinepersonalitydisorder # depression #anxiety