This is a big depression buster for me. I love watching them.
Enjoying My Missouri Birds This Winter
Author: Jill L. Ware
Hello! I am a lot of things. First and foremost, I am me. Like it or leave it I believe God made me just as I am. That I need to go through these trials and tribulation to become who it is I am meant to be. does it suck? yes it does. I have two sons and three granddaughter and one on the way. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder for several years. This is a way to let my words out, get them out of my head. You are not alone in your struggle with these diseases, it's exhausting trying to be normal. Or what we percieve as normal.
Grandparents that raise their grandchildren
Over the years I’ve had many grandparents raising grandkids frequent my place of employment. Have always had respect for them. Until recently, I had no idea how exhausting and stressful it could be. My son and his wife went on a four-day vacation and I stayed with the three kids. It was absolutely exhausting. The minute my butt cheeks hit the couch. There was one screaming “grandma come here”. The meals, laundry, baths and picking up never ends. What I’m getting at is that if you see grandparents raising grandkids, pat them on the back. I only did it for four days, and was ready to lose my sanity.
I Love My Birds
Finding Balance Eludes Me
You’d think with all the medications I am on that it would keep my moods under control. My thoughts lately I’ve kept myself. Needless to say, most of them are mean. I refuse to let them escape me.
I roll all these thoughts around in my head day and night. The conversations I’ve had with loved ones playing in my head. I picked them apart, one by one to decipher their meaning. The only change my doctor has made with my meds is swapping my Wellbutrin at night for olanzapine.
The doctor did this because he was seeing symptoms of paranoia in me. There is paranoia in my family genetics, the doctor actually a couple doctors have told me they think my pot smoking is causing several illnesses in me. I had never heard anything so stupid. I asked if I should quit for a few weeks and see. She said full results of quitting wouldn’t show for six months. I decided to do my research on the subject. In some cases by quitting, the issues fix themselves, and when the person starts back symptoms return.
I am sick of not thinking right. I started my pot free life five days ago. I pray that it fixes some of the wrong thinking. Also a few other things as well.
I could use some encouragement or advice. I haven’t blogged in quite some time. If I blog more often, it would probably benefit me. I’ve been in the state of “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all”. I have been hiding from society, I don’t like the monster in me.
Home
Home is where your heart is. I share bits and pieces of my heart with many people I love. In a sense I reside in many places. If you put all of the people with a piece of my heart together you’d have a small village to call home.
Prisoner of My Thoughts
A time to vent is difficult to find,
Thoughts held captive by my mind.
Some things are better left unsaid,
As chaos rolls about in my head.
For years I’ve searched for the key,
As of yet nothing works for me.
A prisoner I feel to this disease,
Self control I use so no one sees.
Inside I feel like I’m a mess,
Forever wishing I’d worry less.
Coping skills I have a few,
They factor into everything I do.
From this prison I wish to be released,
No one cares even the least.
If I am quiet there is a reason why,
My thoughts make me a not nice guy.
Jill L. Ware
Main Street USA
Once busy with hustle and flow, Main Street the place to go.
Alive with families supporting their own, Main Street a place outgrown.
Cars cruising up and down the street, A Friday night couldn’t be beat.
All you needed could be found there, Now people shop online without a care.
Hometown businesses a thing of the past, How much longer can Main Street last?
I’m guilty of doing the same, Main Street dying what a shame.
Jill L. Ware
Bite Me Bi-Polar!
It is not often I have the urge to drive my car into a tree at a high rate of speed. Yesterday there it was out of nowhere. That is how this works, this being these nasty mood disorders That have been plaguing me all of my adult life.
I try so hard to keep my monster hidden, yesterday was an epic fail. I really should name my monster within truthfully though I don’t want to be on a first name basis with her, my beast.
She doesn’t play nice so I’m thankful she doesn’t stay long these days. She says just long enough to show her ass and leave me looking absolutely idiotic. Not like I need extra help in that department. I do find enough job without her help.
I spent the last six months taking in nature and Photographing the Beauty I see. My avoiding being in society since Covid appeared isn’t because my fear of getting sick. I hide from fear of confrontation from all the people that have decided they can talk to you any hateful way they please. You know how true those words are, don’t you?
PEOPLE SUCK! I’m trying real hard not to be one.
The Hike
Walking along the beaten path, trodden down by travelers past.
A creek runs parallel along the way, upon the banks it’s ripples play.
A twig snaps from some place near, it is my friend Mr. Deer.
The yipping of a fox heard from afar, telling me stay where you are.
This terrain can be a beast, it isn’t easy to say the least.
The beauty that I see, worth the trek to me.
The raccoon wears his menacing mask, foraging is his task.
As I near rabbits scurry away, after I pass returning to their play.
The squirrel it’s agility freeing, is content with being.
Hawks glide above with style and grace, something special is this place.
A Beautiful Summer Day
There is so much beauty in the world.
Our Roses Were Yellow 
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