Blog – Page 8 – Our Roses Were Yellow

Granddaughters

July 5, 2020July 5, 2020 Jill L. Ware

What a week it has been. I had my granddaughters most of the week. The four year old has been not feeling well. Apparently her dad told her the other day that she was being rude. So now when we say anything she doesn’t like we are being rude. Children. The six year old I splashed in the pool and she called me a chubby bitch. So, now I’m wondering who she heard call me a fat bitch. She knows fat is a bad word. My mom said that’s just kids she didn’t hear anyone say that about you. I can’t help but wonder. I know Anaya loves me, she is only four. And Adalyn is my buddy. I don’t think she will do it again. It just slipped out! Hmmm! A grandmothers love for her grandchildren is unfaltering!

Blog, I could be worse

I could be so much worse

June 9, 2020June 9, 2020 Jill L. Ware

As I sit here getting my chemo treatment, I watch and listen to those around me. I am blessed. There are so many in pain and sick from their treatments. Over the years I see patients come and go. Some are now cancer free others didn’t beat their disease. I really appreciate the life God has given me. The beautiful friends and family that I’ve been blessed to have in my life. Thankful that these treatments are helping my RA remain under control. I can be more active with my grandkids than I was able to be with my sons. I know there may come a day when this treatment no longer works for me, so until then I will enjoy my family and live my life to it’s fullest.

Blog, What A Blessed Woman I Am

What a Blessed woman I Am

June 6, 2020 Jill L. Ware

This Mother’s Day was great. It’s the first time in years we all got together in one place. As a person with BPD I have had bad behaviors or toxic marriages that have interfered with my relationships with my children and grandchildren. Knock on wood. My behavior is better, my husband and best friend is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better life.

Blog, Inspirational Photos, unrest in the world

Unrest In The World

June 4, 2020June 5, 2020 Jill L. Ware

I have no idea if this is just racism, or if it’s political tactics, or just plain stupidity. But for those of us with already underlining mental issues it can make us uneasy, paranoid and just plain scared. Oh wait! You don’t even have to have mental illness to have this affect your lives and moods.

It is not a black or white thing. It is a police brutality thing. Would there be this much unrest if it had been a black cop and a white victim that couldn’t breathe? I just don’t understand why these rioters find it necessary to destroy buildings and businesses that owners work hard for and some that our tax dollars pay for.

I just want my children to be safe. My grandchildren and my friends to not be affected by this. How can they not be? Turn off social media and hide them under a rock.

I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve started several poems lately, finished none. Just like all of my other projects, half done. I always have to have irons in a fire going. My husband is spending a few days by himself at the lake. Maybe I will get a few projects finished with the extra space.

Blog, It’s A Boy!

It’s A Boy!

May 15, 2020 Jill L. Ware

I would of loved you no matter what. But I am so glad that they are giving me a grandson. Another gift from God. I am beyond blessed.

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Mother’s Day Fun

May 12, 2020June 5, 2020 Jill L. Ware

My Sons, daughter in laws and granddaughters

I haven’t blogged for a little while. What happens is when I let go of the hurt and pain and anger I can write. But when I’m hurt or angry I have a hard time getting my focus back. I let the stupidest things affect my thoughts. Someone I hadn’t seen in several years told me they had no desire to see or talk to me. Why would I let that affect me? I hadn’t seen or talked to him in 13 years. But knowing that someone you once loved despises you so much that that can be that hurtful to you is totally insane. But that I let it mess my head up is what’s insane. Especially when I have all of these beautiful people in my life. They know me more than anyone and continue to love me daily. #imtogoodforhim #bpd #family

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The Two Paths

May 5, 2020September 13, 2023 Jill L. Ware

These photos are like my life. One minute nice and smooth and the next rough terrain. It’s how we handle the ride that’s important. The more of the rough waters we survive the more we appreciate the smoother paths. Our trials are what make us who we are, helps build our character. Sometimes for the better, other times not so much.

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Wondering Aimlessly

May 4, 2020June 5, 2020 Jill L. Ware

Do you ever catch yourself going from place to place to place and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Or sometimes you can be in a room full of people and feel like you’re completely alone. That’s how I have felt the past two days. I go somewhere and stay five or 10 minutes and have an itch to go somewhere else for five or 10 minutes. I can’t seem to shut my brain down. I’m concentrating to much on the negative crap instead of the important things. I think I need more grandma time. Although, Anaya did tell me she wanted to see her daddy give me a spanking the other day. She is always good for a laugh or two. I had my first full day of the shop open and handled it well. It’s bed time and tomorrow is a new day. I have the house to myself. I’ll pray for inspiration.

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Am I Falling?

April 29, 2020May 3, 2020 Jill L. Ware

My sister called to check on me today. I let her know I was fine. Which she questioned, “Are you sure?”. Yes I am. I had my feelings hurt, but I am a grown woman and will be fine. I have many things on my plate,which she says is me flying into flight.

Informing me that when I’m writing or journaling it means that I’m manic. I second guess wether she is correct or not. It helps me get my thoughts out of my head. And on paper it seems easier to sort out.

I could hear in her voice that she is struggling with something. I think to myself is she wanting my episode to be over so she can have hers. I always feel the need to protect her from hurt as she does me. All I know is that the both of us have heard enough mean words to last a lifetime.

I’m keeping an eye on me. And I have lots of people that love me and watch me closely. I truly enjoy writing poetry and journaling. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of anything I write. Like I said before, this will be my good, bad and ugly. Not so ugly lately. So I take three steps forward and two back, it is still progress.

#bipolar #depression #anxiety #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Blog, God Gave Me Her

God gave me her to be strong when I am not and vise versa.

April 27, 2020June 5, 2020 Jill L. Ware

My sister and I are never well at the same time. Sometimes months, sometimes years one of us has to be strong and watch over the other. We have the same diseases but it’s as if we trade places on a dime. I thank God that we are on separate axis or something, Lord forbid when we are both ill at the same time.

#bipolar #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder