Tag: addiction

Blog, Today Was A Good Day!

A Good Day!

Jill L. Ware

I put together a puzzle today. It seems to help when I’m struggling mentally. My problem is that my Lithium and Wellbutrin slow me down. Sometimes life gets so busy I can’t keep up, then I intentionally stop my psychiatric medications so I can not be so run down. Then first two weeks are great, then slowly I start getting nervous in cars as passenger. Next I begin thinking everything everyone says to me is meant as sarcasm. Finally the people around catch my wrath.

Most the time I’m considered a very sweet lady. But only my loved ones get to see the nasty side of me. That’s a lie. Over the years I’m sure there were a few customers I let have it.

The day ended great. My granddaughter Anaya stayed over. And I’m keeping her up past her bedtime.

Hopefully tomorrow I have a bit more energy. A little bit today I had to force myself to move.

Poetry

Share Your Blessings

Jill L. Ware

We are all blessed with gifts we can’t see.

What are yours, what could they be?

Look close upon you what the Savior has bestowed.

It isn’t anything you were owed.

It was by the grace of God you were saved,

All your sins could be waived.

Accept the Father with an open heart,

From all the others you will be set apart.

Share with others all you’ve been gifted,

So they also may have their spirits lifted.

Your blessings are bountiful,

Don’t you see, God made you beautiful!

Jill L. Ware

Poetry

Changed Woman

Jill L. Ware

Let me say this loud and clear,

Don’t always believe of me what you hear.

My mind has been partitioned-rearranged,

Rendering my previous behaviors changed.

Learning to say no and stand my ground,

Hasn’t left many of my so called friends around.

With me that’s absolutely fine,

I truly enjoy alone most of the time.

For those I use to enable,

Feel free to sit at a different table.

Maybe you’ll learn to take care of you,

I have done all I can do.

From here on out I must take care of me,

I am a changed woman, watch and see!

Jill L. Ware

Blog

The Two Paths

Jill L. Ware

These photos are like my life. One minute nice and smooth and the next rough terrain. It’s how we handle the ride that’s important. The more of the rough waters we survive the more we appreciate the smoother paths. Our trials are what make us who we are, helps build our character. Sometimes for the better, other times not so much.

Hope on the horizon!

Blog

Wondering Aimlessly

Jill L. Ware

Do you ever catch yourself going from place to place to place and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Or sometimes you can be in a room full of people and feel like you’re completely alone. That’s how I have felt the past two days. I go somewhere and stay five or 10 minutes and have an itch to go somewhere else for five or 10 minutes. I can’t seem to shut my brain down. I’m concentrating to much on the negative crap instead of the important things. I think I need more grandma time. Although, Anaya did tell me she wanted to see her daddy give me a spanking the other day. She is always good for a laugh or two. I had my first full day of the shop open and handled it well. It’s bed time and tomorrow is a new day. I have the house to myself. I’ll pray for inspiration.

Poetry

I Am She

Jill L. Ware

She lived her life only for that day,

Walking alone and scared.

If she knew the world would be this way,

She never would have cared.

She cries herself to sleep,

To her, his promises he’d never keep.

Her pillow soaking up the tears,

To her months felt like years.

How he truly felt she was unaware,

Otherwise, she wouldn’t of followed him everywhere.

He wasn’t just her friend,

Sooner or later it was destined to end.

She plays scenarios over in her head,

She’s sure his actions weren’t misread.

She knows it wasn’t a lie,

That he loved her and didn’t have to try.

It seems 100 years have gone by,

He rejects her, I don’t know why.

She will forgive him once again,

So that her mind he doesn’t win.

I am she,

And no longer need him to love me.

Jill L. Ware

#depression #love #bipolar #borderline

bpd, Poetry

Borderline Personality Disorder

Jill L. Ware

You are a true bitch, changing things at the drop of a hat.

Then the flip of a switch, everything is okay just like that.

When you love it is to the extreme, changing in an instant becoming hateful and mean.

Then you finally feel you belong, only to find you were wrong.

Approval you will always seek, I believe it makes you weak.

Open wounds do not scar, you just want to be loved for who you are.

The pain of the past doesn’t have to last. Talk about it hand it to the savior, the fire is lit changing your behavior.

You may not be as good as before, but a bitch you will be no more.

Jill L. Ware

Poetry

Addiction Is No Racist

Jill L. Ware

Red, yellow, green or blue, She will come after you.

No matter what gender, to her promises you will surrender.

She comes disguised as many things, with her chaos and lies she brings.

Sex, drugs and food to name a few, she will control all you do.

Not much to say you feel depleted, if she has her way you’ll be deleted.

You can tell her to find another, you are someone’s brother.

Hold your head up high, it won’t be easy I can’t lie.

Show her you are stronger than she, forever rehabilitated you will be.

Jill L. Ware

Poetry

Ruined

Jill L. Ware

Them to you I’d always compAre, talk I’ll of you they not dare.

I loved you like no other, you were more than just a lover.

I think you often enough, do you remember us?

I wonder where you landed, where life has you planted.

You ruined me for them, forever yours I’ve always been.

I nearly fell apart, the day you broke my heart.

You sent me away, it wasn’t my time to stay.

For you. I left with my tail tucked, you gone forever truly sucked.

Now I think of you just once in a while, veery seldom ending with a smile.

I just thought you should know before I let you go, you ruined me for them, forever yours I’ve always been.

Jill L. Ware