The last time I saw these pairs they weren’t parents. What a joy to see them come visit us every time we are out to the lake.
Author: Jill L. Ware
Hello! I am a lot of things. First and foremost, I am me. Like it or leave it I believe God made me just as I am. That I need to go through these trials and tribulation to become who it is I am meant to be. does it suck? yes it does. I have two sons and three granddaughter and one on the way. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder for several years. This is a way to let my words out, get them out of my head. You are not alone in your struggle with these diseases, it's exhausting trying to be normal. Or what we percieve as normal.
Mother’s Day Fun
My Sons, daughter in laws and granddaughters 
My oldest son 
My bestie for 34 years with my youngest granddaughter 
My sisters man 
Friends 
Nephew 
My sidekick 
So many emotions 
Friends 
My man 
Granddaughters 
Miss bossy 
So gets son and his wife 
Rosie loves her Sissy
I haven’t blogged for a little while. What happens is when I let go of the hurt and pain and anger I can write. But when I’m hurt or angry I have a hard time getting my focus back. I let the stupidest things affect my thoughts. Someone I hadn’t seen in several years told me they had no desire to see or talk to me. Why would I let that affect me? I hadn’t seen or talked to him in 13 years. But knowing that someone you once loved despises you so much that that can be that hurtful to you is totally insane. But that I let it mess my head up is what’s insane. Especially when I have all of these beautiful people in my life. They know me more than anyone and continue to love me daily. #imtogoodforhim #bpd #family
The Two Paths
These photos are like my life. One minute nice and smooth and the next rough terrain. It’s how we handle the ride that’s important. The more of the rough waters we survive the more we appreciate the smoother paths. Our trials are what make us who we are, helps build our character. Sometimes for the better, other times not so much.
Kirk worship Music
My brother has always been on fire for the Lord.
Wondering Aimlessly
Do you ever catch yourself going from place to place to place and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Or sometimes you can be in a room full of people and feel like you’re completely alone. That’s how I have felt the past two days. I go somewhere and stay five or 10 minutes and have an itch to go somewhere else for five or 10 minutes. I can’t seem to shut my brain down. I’m concentrating to much on the negative crap instead of the important things. I think I need more grandma time. Although, Anaya did tell me she wanted to see her daddy give me a spanking the other day. She is always good for a laugh or two. I had my first full day of the shop open and handled it well. It’s bed time and tomorrow is a new day. I have the house to myself. I’ll pray for inspiration.
I Am She
She lived her life only for that day,
Walking alone and scared.
If she knew the world would be this way,
She never would have cared.
She cries herself to sleep,
To her, his promises he’d never keep.
Her pillow soaking up the tears,
To her months felt like years.
How he truly felt she was unaware,
Otherwise, she wouldn’t of followed him everywhere.
He wasn’t just her friend,
Sooner or later it was destined to end.
She plays scenarios over in her head,
She’s sure his actions weren’t misread.
She knows it wasn’t a lie,
That he loved her and didn’t have to try.
It seems 100 years have gone by,
He rejects her, I don’t know why.
She will forgive him once again,
So that her mind he doesn’t win.
I am she,
And no longer need him to love me.
Jill L. Ware
#depression #love #bipolar #borderline
Am I Falling?
My sister called to check on me today. I let her know I was fine. Which she questioned, “Are you sure?”. Yes I am. I had my feelings hurt, but I am a grown woman and will be fine. I have many things on my plate,which she says is me flying into flight.
Informing me that when I’m writing or journaling it means that I’m manic. I second guess wether she is correct or not. It helps me get my thoughts out of my head. And on paper it seems easier to sort out.
I could hear in her voice that she is struggling with something. I think to myself is she wanting my episode to be over so she can have hers. I always feel the need to protect her from hurt as she does me. All I know is that the both of us have heard enough mean words to last a lifetime.
I’m keeping an eye on me. And I have lots of people that love me and watch me closely. I truly enjoy writing poetry and journaling. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of anything I write. Like I said before, this will be my good, bad and ugly. Not so ugly lately. So I take three steps forward and two back, it is still progress.
#bipolar #depression #anxiety #borderlinepersonalitydisorder
This Man
He Knows all of my secrets,
Yet he loves me.
There are no regrets,
With me he desires to be.
He has a temper at times,
Not near as harsh as mine.
We’ve been friends for so long,
There is no way this can go wrong.
He holds me and lets me cry,
Spoils me, that I can’t deny.
I’ve been told, of me he’s afraid,
It’s been long enough his debt should be paid.
It doesn’t make me feel good,
If I could change it I would.
I can’t forget what he did,
For many years what he hid.
Just when I think we can move on,
Again the trust is gone.
If I could just forgive his digressions,
With one of his obsessions.
I love him, he is my mate,
I pray for us it’s not to late.
Jill L. Ware
#bipolar #infidelity
God gave me her to be strong when I am not and vise versa.
My sister and I are never well at the same time. Sometimes months, sometimes years one of us has to be strong and watch over the other. We have the same diseases but it’s as if we trade places on a dime. I thank God that we are on separate axis or something, Lord forbid when we are both ill at the same time.
#bipolar #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder
It’s good to get out of your routine occasionally!
#depression #anxiety #missouribackroads
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