Tag: blessed
A Good Day!
I put together a puzzle today. It seems to help when I’m struggling mentally. My problem is that my Lithium and Wellbutrin slow me down. Sometimes life gets so busy I can’t keep up, then I intentionally stop my psychiatric medications so I can not be so run down. Then first two weeks are great, then slowly I start getting nervous in cars as passenger. Next I begin thinking everything everyone says to me is meant as sarcasm. Finally the people around catch my wrath.
Most the time I’m considered a very sweet lady. But only my loved ones get to see the nasty side of me. That’s a lie. Over the years I’m sure there were a few customers I let have it.
The day ended great. My granddaughter Anaya stayed over. And I’m keeping her up past her bedtime.
Hopefully tomorrow I have a bit more energy. A little bit today I had to force myself to move.
I’m a terrible sister
My sister and I both suffer from bpd and bipolar. Anxiety , depression and whatever else you want to throw in there. For several years now I’ve had to be stronger for her. Handle her with kid gloves you might say. We both have suicidal tendencies. I have attempted twice.
She is my best friend in the whole world. I’ve had a few bad days this week. So she was pointing out to me my bad behavior and my words were,”You have got to be fucking kidding me, you can go 8 months in a row all fucked up and no one says a word because you might go kill yourself and I have a bad two days and you are on me like a fly on shit.”.
And thank God the camera was off at the shop so she couldn’t replay every word I said over and over, she would have killed herself. Was what I said true? Yes! Did I know it would hurt her? Yes! Do I love her? Yes!
I hate these fucking diseases. I told myself over and over in my head to not say anything, there was no stopping me. I was hurting so I wanted to hurt her. She had been doing better, I’m afraid that this might make her progress go backwards. She will play what I said in her head until it makes her feel like a waste of space or a complete failure. How do I know this? We have the same disease. I would do the same thing. All I know is my sister and I have not been over 5 miles away from each other our entire lives. We survived some terrible experiences as children together. We even get sick when either of us goes on trips away from the other. What the hell is wrong with me?
Cooling off in the pool with grandpa
After a very hot hike grandpa brought us to the pool to cool down. He really does spoil us girls.
Johnson Shut In’s
I’m a bit out of shape for this. Enjoyed our time. But my RA has been a bit flared since this trip.
Elephant Rock State Park
Anaya and grandma and grandpa had a great time. My butt cheeks sure did feel the burn from all that climbing.
Granddaughters
What a week it has been. I had my granddaughters most of the week. The four year old has been not feeling well. Apparently her dad told her the other day that she was being rude. So now when we say anything she doesn’t like we are being rude. Children. The six year old I splashed in the pool and she called me a chubby bitch. So, now I’m wondering who she heard call me a fat bitch. She knows fat is a bad word. My mom said that’s just kids she didn’t hear anyone say that about you. I can’t help but wonder. I know Anaya loves me, she is only four. And Adalyn is my buddy. I don’t think she will do it again. It just slipped out! Hmmm! A grandmothers love for her grandchildren is unfaltering!
Share Your Blessings
We are all blessed with gifts we can’t see.
What are yours, what could they be?
Look close upon you what the Savior has bestowed.
It isn’t anything you were owed.
It was by the grace of God you were saved,
All your sins could be waived.
Accept the Father with an open heart,
From all the others you will be set apart.
Share with others all you’ve been gifted,
So they also may have their spirits lifted.
Your blessings are bountiful,
Don’t you see, God made you beautiful!
Jill L. Ware
What a Blessed woman I Am
This Mother’s Day was great. It’s the first time in years we all got together in one place. As a person with BPD I have had bad behaviors or toxic marriages that have interfered with my relationships with my children and grandchildren. Knock on wood. My behavior is better, my husband and best friend is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better life.
Reflection
What do you see when you look at your reflection? I’d almost bet it’s not what other people see. We are our own worst critics. Love Yourself!
You must be logged in to post a comment.