Tag: bpd

Poetry

Time For Me

Jill L. Ware

Putting others needs before my own, it is a behavior that I’ve always known.

Never learning to say No, making it impossible to just go.

I need some quite time just for me, a place to go and just Be.

Exhaustion isn’t far away, it’s lurking just around the Bay.

I am busy as can be, slowing down is only up to me.

My body is weak as my mind races on, my strength nearly gone.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I’m sure No is a word you won’t hear me say.

I’ll try to find strength to carry on, after all every day starts with a new dawn.

I just want to find time for myself!

Every one smiles for pictures!

Blog, Inspirational Photos, unrest in the world

Unrest In The World

Jill L. Ware

I have no idea if this is just racism, or if it’s political tactics, or just plain stupidity. But for those of us with already underlining mental issues it can make us uneasy, paranoid and just plain scared. Oh wait! You don’t even have to have mental illness to have this affect your lives and moods.

It is not a black or white thing. It is a police brutality thing. Would there be this much unrest if it had been a black cop and a white victim that couldn’t breathe? I just don’t understand why these rioters find it necessary to destroy buildings and businesses that owners work hard for and some that our tax dollars pay for.

I just want my children to be safe. My grandchildren and my friends to not be affected by this. How can they not be? Turn off social media and hide them under a rock.

I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve started several poems lately, finished none. Just like all of my other projects, half done. I always have to have irons in a fire going. My husband is spending a few days by himself at the lake. Maybe I will get a few projects finished with the extra space.

When life requires solitude!
Blog

Mother’s Day Fun

Jill L. Ware
  • My Sons, daughter in laws and granddaughters
  • My oldest son
  • My bestie for 34 years with my youngest granddaughter
  • My sisters man
  • Friends
  • Nephew
  • My sidekick
  • So many emotions
  • Friends
  • My man
  • Granddaughters
  • Miss bossy
  • So gets son and his wife
  • Rosie loves her Sissy

I haven’t blogged for a little while. What happens is when I let go of the hurt and pain and anger I can write. But when I’m hurt or angry I have a hard time getting my focus back. I let the stupidest things affect my thoughts. Someone I hadn’t seen in several years told me they had no desire to see or talk to me. Why would I let that affect me? I hadn’t seen or talked to him in 13 years. But knowing that someone you once loved despises you so much that that can be that hurtful to you is totally insane. But that I let it mess my head up is what’s insane. Especially when I have all of these beautiful people in my life. They know me more than anyone and continue to love me daily. #imtogoodforhim #bpd #family

Blog

The Two Paths

Jill L. Ware

These photos are like my life. One minute nice and smooth and the next rough terrain. It’s how we handle the ride that’s important. The more of the rough waters we survive the more we appreciate the smoother paths. Our trials are what make us who we are, helps build our character. Sometimes for the better, other times not so much.

Hope on the horizon!

Blog

Wondering Aimlessly

Jill L. Ware

Do you ever catch yourself going from place to place to place and feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. Or sometimes you can be in a room full of people and feel like you’re completely alone. That’s how I have felt the past two days. I go somewhere and stay five or 10 minutes and have an itch to go somewhere else for five or 10 minutes. I can’t seem to shut my brain down. I’m concentrating to much on the negative crap instead of the important things. I think I need more grandma time. Although, Anaya did tell me she wanted to see her daddy give me a spanking the other day. She is always good for a laugh or two. I had my first full day of the shop open and handled it well. It’s bed time and tomorrow is a new day. I have the house to myself. I’ll pray for inspiration.

Poetry

I Am She

Jill L. Ware

She lived her life only for that day,

Walking alone and scared.

If she knew the world would be this way,

She never would have cared.

She cries herself to sleep,

To her, his promises he’d never keep.

Her pillow soaking up the tears,

To her months felt like years.

How he truly felt she was unaware,

Otherwise, she wouldn’t of followed him everywhere.

He wasn’t just her friend,

Sooner or later it was destined to end.

She plays scenarios over in her head,

She’s sure his actions weren’t misread.

She knows it wasn’t a lie,

That he loved her and didn’t have to try.

It seems 100 years have gone by,

He rejects her, I don’t know why.

She will forgive him once again,

So that her mind he doesn’t win.

I am she,

And no longer need him to love me.

Jill L. Ware

#depression #love #bipolar #borderline

Poetry

This Man

Jill L. Ware

He Knows all of my secrets,

Yet he loves me.

There are no regrets,

With me he desires to be.

He has a temper at times,

Not near as harsh as mine.

We’ve been friends for so long,

There is no way this can go wrong.

He holds me and lets me cry,

Spoils me, that I can’t deny.

I’ve been told, of me he’s afraid,

It’s been long enough his debt should be paid.

It doesn’t make me feel good,

If I could change it I would.

I can’t forget what he did,

For many years what he hid.

Just when I think we can move on,

Again the trust is gone.

If I could just forgive his digressions,

With one of his obsessions.

I love him, he is my mate,

I pray for us it’s not to late.

Jill L. Ware

#bipolar #infidelity

Always working to please me!
Blog, God Gave Me Her

God gave me her to be strong when I am not and vise versa.

Jill L. Ware

My sister and I are never well at the same time. Sometimes months, sometimes years one of us has to be strong and watch over the other. We have the same diseases but it’s as if we trade places on a dime. I thank God that we are on separate axis or something, Lord forbid when we are both ill at the same time.

#bipolar #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder

Blog, Change The Thought

Change The Thought

Jill L. Ware

I tell people like me with mental illness to change the thought all the time. This last episode, even though I knew I wasn’t thinking correctly, I couldn’t get out of my head. I would convince myself that I was being normal. Just because I wanted to do something so badly didn’t make it wrong. But all it took was one message from an old friend (I thought) to blow my world up all over again. Just like 30 years ago. People that say or do mean things to you on purpose are not your friends. Unfortunately, when I have these diagnoses which make me question wether they were mean or if I just perceived them as being mean because of my mood disorder. Nope he was mean as could be. Knew it would hurt me. I let the last time he did this affect me MANY years. I will not do that this time. I’m trying to convince myself I am stronger now than I was then. I have all these people that love me. It’s the people pleaser in me, every one must love me. #hurtmenomore

Broken hearts mend
#bipolar #borderline #anxiety