Living with and overcoming Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder
The flag blows as to say, “Look at me!”. The ever changing colors of the trees.
Chimes hang from the gutters with care, the tunes they are quite rare.
The brass bell swaying just a bit, awaiting my departure in the trees the birds sit.
The sky a vibrant blue, fluffy clouds stare back at you.
Mums, gourds, pumpkins and spice, all that makes everything nice.
Today a day for the books, a fall day as beautiful as it looks.
Jill L. Ware
The oak stands tall and proud, the wind caressing her leaves.
She shades us from the afternoon sun, there are more, she is my favorite one.
She sees all that happens and watches with care, the view must me great from up there.
One a quiet day if you listen closely “I see you!” You can hear her say.
I whisper in return ” I see you too!”.
I am quite the catch when you reel me in, my scales shiny and bright.
After a bit not at all what I’d been, seen in a different light.
I am struggling to breathe, thrashing to and fro.
Soon the air from my lungs will leave, It is now my time to go.
I am ready as I could ever be, please feel free to throw me back.
I belong in the water you see, It is the oxygen in which I lack.
I am a fish out of water!
My youngest son is so smart and talented. He and his wife just started a videography business. She is a photographer for the Air Nathional Guard and he is a teacher, musician, photographer, father and so much more.
I had my surgery at a Program where you had support for life when needing guidance when struggling or needing a reset. As many places it closed up about 5 years ago.
Sometimes my eating or drinking soda get a bit out of control and I study about doing a pouch resest with my protien shakes and such. I do it and I get back on track.
Then life becomes hectic with watching grandkids or doctors appointments and the fast foods and soda sneak back in. Needless to say it is still a life long struggle. If I would just eat meat I would be fine. I fill my pouch properly. But pastas and carbs just seep right through leaving room for more food.
Of course, like most people with this surgery I have much unwanted loose skin in my arms, legs and tummy apron. You would think after 12 years I would be used to it. That is pretty much my only complaint about the surgery. I still feel 100 times better than I did before. Any problems I have ever had with having the surgery were caused by me not following guidelines.
If you struggle with your weight loss surgery just know you are not broken, just human. It was meant to be a tool, not a fix all. Just remember you can get back on track. Research doing a pouch reset. I won’t say how many times in 12 years I have had to do a reset. Get back on your bike and ride!!!! You know the routine like the back of your hand. Good luck and God bless!
About this time last year I posted a very emotional and hysterical post about all the scary things taking place in the world. And at a later date after watching it again, I removed it.
I was embarassed by my tears and emotional video. What a difference a year makes. A year of the right phsychiatric meds. Today I feel all the things I did the day I recorded the video. My reaction to those thought is 100% different.
When I started this venture I promised I would post the good and the ugly. I wasn’t true to my word by deleting it. In the future I will do better at being honest and open about my behaviors. I hope that one day even just one of my post helps you in this very exhausting struggle to pretend to be normal.
This is what I put my energy into when I am not sure where I need to channel it.
It is going to be a purrific day!
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