Living with and overcoming Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder
My flowers came back to life after much attention was given to them. They had gotten hit by the last frost. Through much vigilance It slowly but surely got its strength back.
Now we need to take us much pride in ourselves as we do our possessions. Our Vessel should be our most prized possessions.
If we put the time, energy and care into our plants they will provide us with nourishment. It is the same for our bodies, mind and soul. If we take the time to take care of our well-being it will show in many areas of our lives. Just as if we ignore our well-being it will also show. God wants us to flourish. So take care of you as you would your gardens.
Society is like this bunch of candies. All different flavors and packaging. Some of us covered by the blessings of our God. It is up to us to preach of his love and faithfulness. So those that are weak and naked may have the opportunity to be clothed in his redemption and love.
When I have extra energy from my mania I grow things, then I pressurize some for the future. We will need it one day, probably soon the way the world is. And what is left I sit out for all the people in our retirement complex.
Do your best to find constructive things to put all of your anxieties into. I know sometimes it is easier said than done. As long as you know you tried, it doesn’t even matter if you fail. Anyway you will be the only one that knows.
Believe me when I say I had no idea I was even in a manic state until my doctor made me stop smoking pot because it was causing paranoia, and put me on risperidone. It was like someone took a pair of distorted glasses off of me. And I could see clearly again.
The world looks much better through my red polka dot glasses these days. If you are reading this I hope what see through your eyes becomes more focused for you. Peace Out!
I have loved him since the day he was conceived, the joy he brought me I’d never believe.
His personality was that of a clown, lifting me up when I was down.
He was terrified to go on stage, which got much better with age.
Eventually I left his dad, It was the worst feeling I ever had.
Joint custody was not for me, forever changed our life would be.
Me his mother you would never guess, what a beautiful mess.
Drums, guitar, piano are just a few, of the many things he can do.
He is smarter than I ever was, excellent at all he does.
He will never know the love I carry in me, forever in my heart he will always be.
Jill L. Ware
It has been a while since I have posted anything. Recently I had a visit with the mental health professional. It didn’t go well. Two year ago I applied for my medical marijuana card. When I was approved, I started smoking it up. Only in the evenings. My moods had become quit unpredictable which was not exactly out of character for me. My moods were increasing daily. I began being very suspicious of people and situations.
My doctor has been treating for twenty years, he knows me very well. Let me tell you now schizophrenia runs in my family.Apparently not everyone should be smoking marijuana. Because I already have mental health issues and schizophrenia runs in the family I was getting more unstable the more I smoked. The moral of the story, not everyone should get stoned. It may help many, but can also be harmful to some.
I Love My Family! What a beautiful gathering we had for Mother’s Day.
My desire to be the best grandmother I can be is one of the most important things to me. That these children don’t have to see the side of me that my children did. Not towards them, but towards my abusive husbands.
Although, some days these little ones give me a run for my money. The fighting and bickering among the older cousins can be exhausting.
I love these babies so much, not more than I did their parents. I just know about mental illness now, unlike when their fathers were young. I had no idea that something was wrong with me. I don’t think in the beginning I was ill. I believe years of verbal abuse about my size and everything else he thought was wrong with me caused my illnesses. And I have been fighting the good fight ever since. I wouldn’t say I am winning the fight, but I am definetly not losing.
I wake up everyday witht the mentallity of just that. “Today is a new day!” I can pick and choose what version of me that I am going to be. I love me today, so far.
The alarm goes off, I spring into action. Shower, brush my teeth, do my hair and makeup and tend to the pets. Wake up honey lets go have coffee I tell my husband.
Can we go see the grandkids today? I ask. Do you want to visit the cabin? It is so nice this time of year. I’m having a good day.
Alarm goes off. I say,”Will you shut that fucking thing off.”. My husband asks, ” Want to go have coffee? “. No. I just want to sleep. I do have things to do today. I want nothing to do with any of it. I am absolutely exhausted. No desire to even get out of bed, and definitely not going in public today. It takes to much energy to pretend to be normal, and I am just not feeling up to it today. These are the days I am most use to. And to tell you the truth I enjoy my days of sollitude as compared to the days I am forced to socialize.
I give 100% when it comes to being a mother and grandmother. I put myself in uncomfortable situations all the time when tending to my loved ones. It really takes a toll on my mental illness at times. It is truly exhausting attempting to be the perfect grandparent and parent, I never fail them. In the process I become manic trying to keep up. Everything that goes up eventually must come down. Eventually, I plummit to the ground. You would think after all these years with these mental illnesses I would be expecting it, NOPE. As always the illness sneaks up and bites me right in the butt.
I start all over again taking extra care to take medications and get the rest I so desperately need. It last a week maybe two and the vicious cycle starts all over again.
Today….It was a good day. Tomorrow……We will see.
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