Living with and overcoming Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder
Imperfect we were meant to be, so our flaws he could see.
Each of us made unique, so the Savior we would seek.
I have scars that will never heal, imperfect the make me feel.
No one notices nor cares, that someone’s mark my face bares.
These lesions I hide well, to look you cannot tell.
It’s no birth defect-I am not blemished, with me He is not finished.
This man who melts my heart, From all the others he is set apart.
This man that puts his needs last, he’s helped me forget that past.
This man with eyes of blue, has been better for me than I ever knew.
We have our days that’s for sure, for the bad days there’s no cure.
I see forever when I truly see the man he has become, it is him for me or none.
It has taken 20 years to get where we are, our lives are better by far.
This man is mine!
You are in charge of what you view. If your life needs a change, do it! If you are getting tired of the people you run with, change it. Not happy in the church you are attending, try several new ones. You choose you view. Be like me and find a good one.
I have loved him since the day he was conceived, the joy he brought me I’d never believe.
His personality was that of a clown, lifting me up when I was down.
He was terrified to go on stage, which got much better with age.
Eventually I left his dad, It was the worst feeling I ever had.
Joint custody was not for me, forever changed our life would be.
Me his mother you would never guess, what a beautiful mess.
Drums, guitar, piano are just a few, of the many things he can do.
He is smarter than I ever was, excellent at all he does.
He will never know the love I carry in me, forever in my heart he will always be.
Jill L. Ware
I am new to this but thought it couldn’t hurt to let some of my frustration out there for you all to see that you are not alone in your struggle to be normal. It is truly exhausting trying to be the person everyone thinks you should be. I don’t exactly know how long I have had bipolar and borderline personality disorder. But I imagine well over 35 years. As many people with these disease my parents divorced at a young age and I was sexually abused at the age of 10. I absolutely hate confrontation. So I can’t say no to people and finally the only way I can say no is by being a crazy lady. I write poetry as an outlet and will be posting on my site over time.
I am going to treat this as a daily journal. I will post for you all to read, the good, the bad, and the ugly in my life. And hopefully there will be more good than bad. But I want you to know you aren’t the only one out there struggling to stay afloat.
I was admitted to a hospital after a nervous breakdown and it had been 10 years after my last hospitalization for my disease. The doctor told me how lucky I was to only be hospitalized twice in 10 years. I informed her that id been out in society for those ten years making a damn fool out of myself. There were several times I really should have been institutionalized.
There is beauty all around if you just look for it!
I Love My Family! What a beautiful gathering we had for Mother’s Day.
Those lips and how they made me feel,
Never had anything felt so real,
Thoughts of you pour like rain.
I’d sell my soul to taste them once again.
I visit you in my dreams.
We, you’ve forgotten it seems.
I don’t fight them anymore,
Are you just as you were before,
I prayed one day I’d be your wife,
And with you i would spend my life,
Together we had been.
Our love destined not to win.
It lives on in my memories,
I miss you when no one sees.
Jill L. Ware
Put on your best smile, go that extra mile.
Be courteous and nice, don’t ever think twice.
Lift up one another, be your neighbors brother.
Love with all your might, don’t give up without a fight.
Ask for nothing in return, be the example so they can learn.
Be you, let your light shine through.
Be the spark that leads them from the dark.
Most of all, always be you!
Jill L. Ware
What a week it has been. I had my granddaughters most of the week. The four year old has been not feeling well. Apparently her dad told her the other day that she was being rude. So now when we say anything she doesn’t like we are being rude. Children. The six year old I splashed in the pool and she called me a chubby bitch. So, now I’m wondering who she heard call me a fat bitch. She knows fat is a bad word. My mom said that’s just kids she didn’t hear anyone say that about you. I can’t help but wonder. I know Anaya loves me, she is only four. And Adalyn is my buddy. I don’t think she will do it again. It just slipped out! Hmmm! A grandmothers love for her grandchildren is unfaltering!
We are all blessed with gifts we can’t see.
What are yours, what could they be?
Look close upon you what the Savior has bestowed.
It isn’t anything you were owed.
It was by the grace of God you were saved,
All your sins could be waived.
Accept the Father with an open heart,
From all the others you will be set apart.
Share with others all you’ve been gifted,
So they also may have their spirits lifted.
Your blessings are bountiful,
Don’t you see, God made you beautiful!
Jill L. Ware
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